Christmas Feelings

I had my game face on.  I really did.  I knew that Christmas away from home would be difficult, but if we just had a good attitude & powered through it everything would be ok.  But this is really tough.  I thought I could plan a fun filled and busy day to keep our minds distracted, but that didn't work out.  I thought it would be hard on the kids.  Nope, they are fine.  They never even noticed that we don't have a decorated house, that our tree is only 2 ft. tall with no lights.  They didn't notice that we didn't make or eat a single Christmas cookie, or drink any eggnog.  They didn't notice that we didn't have matching Christmas pajamas or warm socks.  They didn't notice that I haven't been blasting Christmas music on Pandora for the last 30 days.  But I did. 

It just doesn't feel like Christmas.  It's 82 degrees today.  Flip flops are not Christmas attire!  Christmas is supposed to be with family, but my family is 8,375 miles away.  Some days, with the help of technology, that feels just fine.  Today it doesn't.  Today feels like we are every one of those 8,375 miles away from home.  Don't get me wrong, we love it here.  We are having a great time.  Most days are really good.  We get tremendous joy out of being here, but some days are hard.  Really hard.  Soul crushingly hard.  And today is one of those days for me.  I hoped that it wouldn't be; I really did.  But I am way too emotional and sentimental to not grieve over the fact that I am not celebrating with my family for the first time in my life.  And then the guilt over how it makes our families feel.  I'm still a people pleaser all the way over here; some things won't ever change. 

But this is also one of the best Christmases we've had.  "But how can you say that with tears streaming down your face Deb?"  Thanks for asking; let me explain.  I didn't stress over Christmas this year.  I didn't spend weeks & months shopping for every person I know.  I didn't spend every night wrapping presents & finishing gifts until the wee hours of the morning.  I didn't spend too much money.  I didn't run myself (or my family) ragged.  I got to count down the days to Christmas and the birth of our Savior.  And we had a very quiet Christmas with very few presents (which they have been playing quietly with ALL day!).  And that's what I've always wanted.  I just wanted a simple Christmas.  Now, I do wish that all my loved ones were here for it, but I don't know if I can go back.  I just don't know that I can go back to the commercialized day that is all about gifts, and things, and money.  Because on this Christmas, more than any other, I get it.  Jesus, Emanuel - God is with us.  And He is!  He is with us here in India.  He is with you in Lynchburg, or Canada, or wherever you are.  He is with me on my worst day, and my best day.  That was His gift to me.  And that is the greatest gift.  It is a good day.

Miss you & love you all!

Humble Beginning

Christmas is a time of celebration of the birth of my savior, Jesus Christ.  It is such a special time, because it is the first time that God sent his son to us to identify with our fallen condition.  I sometimes have wondered why God, who is all-powerful, would choose such a humble way to showcase His glory: a baby born in an animal pen, using a manger as a bed.  A stable is certainly not the accommodation that the God of the universe deserves, is it?  He could have chosen anywhere for the birth of His son, yet he orchestrated such a modest beginning with only a star to alert the world to His presence.

I think the birth of Jesus helps us understand what is important to God.  We tend to think of pomp and circumstance as the appropriate measure of honor.  We tend to consider the trappings of wealth and privilege to be the measure of glory.  God sees things quite differently, though.  God values relationships with the people he created and loves.  God values our heart condition rather than parties, gifts, and ceremonies.  I believe that the humble birth of Jesus is God’s way of telling us that he loves us so much that he is willing to get down in this dirty world with us and identify with our condition.  From the very beginning He has been willing to suffer humanity so that one day we might accept Him as our savior and build a relationship with Him.

As for me, I am both humbled and honored that He would love us so much that he would become something so small.  This Christmas, as you celebrate the birth of Jesus with your friends and family, please remember that the God of the universe loves you deeply.  He loves you with an everlasting love, and He will do whatever it takes to pursue a relationship with you.  I ask that you consider sharing a story about how much he loves you with someone who may never have considered the love of Christ.  I believe that the best way to honor God is to continue the mission of reaching his people that He began in a stable so long ago.  May each of us answer his call to do so.