I had my game face on. I really did. I knew that Christmas away from home would be difficult, but if we just had a good attitude & powered through it everything would be ok. But this is really tough. I thought I could plan a fun filled and busy day to keep our minds distracted, but that didn't work out. I thought it would be hard on the kids. Nope, they are fine. They never even noticed that we don't have a decorated house, that our tree is only 2 ft. tall with no lights. They didn't notice that we didn't make or eat a single Christmas cookie, or drink any eggnog. They didn't notice that we didn't have matching Christmas pajamas or warm socks. They didn't notice that I haven't been blasting Christmas music on Pandora for the last 30 days. But I did.
It just doesn't feel like Christmas. It's 82 degrees today. Flip flops are not Christmas attire! Christmas is supposed to be with family, but my family is 8,375 miles away. Some days, with the help of technology, that feels just fine. Today it doesn't. Today feels like we are every one of those 8,375 miles away from home. Don't get me wrong, we love it here. We are having a great time. Most days are really good. We get tremendous joy out of being here, but some days are hard. Really hard. Soul crushingly hard. And today is one of those days for me. I hoped that it wouldn't be; I really did. But I am way too emotional and sentimental to not grieve over the fact that I am not celebrating with my family for the first time in my life. And then the guilt over how it makes our families feel. I'm still a people pleaser all the way over here; some things won't ever change.
But this is also one of the best Christmases we've had. "But how can you say that with tears streaming down your face Deb?" Thanks for asking; let me explain. I didn't stress over Christmas this year. I didn't spend weeks & months shopping for every person I know. I didn't spend every night wrapping presents & finishing gifts until the wee hours of the morning. I didn't spend too much money. I didn't run myself (or my family) ragged. I got to count down the days to Christmas and the birth of our Savior. And we had a very quiet Christmas with very few presents (which they have been playing quietly with ALL day!). And that's what I've always wanted. I just wanted a simple Christmas. Now, I do wish that all my loved ones were here for it, but I don't know if I can go back. I just don't know that I can go back to the commercialized day that is all about gifts, and things, and money. Because on this Christmas, more than any other, I get it. Jesus, Emanuel - God is with us. And He is! He is with us here in India. He is with you in Lynchburg, or Canada, or wherever you are. He is with me on my worst day, and my best day. That was His gift to me. And that is the greatest gift. It is a good day.
Miss you & love you all!
It just doesn't feel like Christmas. It's 82 degrees today. Flip flops are not Christmas attire! Christmas is supposed to be with family, but my family is 8,375 miles away. Some days, with the help of technology, that feels just fine. Today it doesn't. Today feels like we are every one of those 8,375 miles away from home. Don't get me wrong, we love it here. We are having a great time. Most days are really good. We get tremendous joy out of being here, but some days are hard. Really hard. Soul crushingly hard. And today is one of those days for me. I hoped that it wouldn't be; I really did. But I am way too emotional and sentimental to not grieve over the fact that I am not celebrating with my family for the first time in my life. And then the guilt over how it makes our families feel. I'm still a people pleaser all the way over here; some things won't ever change.
But this is also one of the best Christmases we've had. "But how can you say that with tears streaming down your face Deb?" Thanks for asking; let me explain. I didn't stress over Christmas this year. I didn't spend weeks & months shopping for every person I know. I didn't spend every night wrapping presents & finishing gifts until the wee hours of the morning. I didn't spend too much money. I didn't run myself (or my family) ragged. I got to count down the days to Christmas and the birth of our Savior. And we had a very quiet Christmas with very few presents (which they have been playing quietly with ALL day!). And that's what I've always wanted. I just wanted a simple Christmas. Now, I do wish that all my loved ones were here for it, but I don't know if I can go back. I just don't know that I can go back to the commercialized day that is all about gifts, and things, and money. Because on this Christmas, more than any other, I get it. Jesus, Emanuel - God is with us. And He is! He is with us here in India. He is with you in Lynchburg, or Canada, or wherever you are. He is with me on my worst day, and my best day. That was His gift to me. And that is the greatest gift. It is a good day.
Miss you & love you all!
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